Toddler Rules

Yep, for those of you who don't know it, there are toddler rules. And as a parent you don't really have any say in what those rules are, especially when your child decides to throw a temper tantrum with as much gusto as she can muster in the middle of Walmart. Good times.

But here's the thing, I thought "toddler" meant "age 2" aka "the terrible two's". I was wrong. My doctor (who I have to say is great and at times disturbingly honest) told me at Reagan's year check up, "Your child is about to start expressing herself more. You might not be able to take her shopping for a while." I didn't believe her. My child is so sweet, she loves spending time with Mommy and she loves going to the store, what could happen? Well, I have now come to the conclusion that I should have believed her.

Case #1: Grocery store trip. While shopping on Saturday morning (with every other Mom in the state of CT), I paused in the pasta aisle to look at prices. My child loves to chew on the top of my closed diet soda bottle and as I turned back towards my cart, I saw her take the bottle and shake it as hard as she could. Let's just say that the top was not on very well. Soda everywhere. There was nothing I could do, but yell "clean up aisle 4!", apologize to the people around me and get the hell out of dodge. I of course stopped by customer service to make sure that someone was on
their way with a mop.

Case #2: Shopping at Costco. You know how they have those huge piles of products all throughout the store. My kid loves to chew on tags. Do you know how many tags stick out of those piles? And that one quick tug by a small hand can be the bring the whole thing down? Enough said.

Just for the record, I was one of those people that looked at these situations and said "why doesn't that parent discipline their child?" Well, now I know the answer. They don't do it because most times the child doesn't understand them or it only makes things worse. I am now issuing a public apology to every single parent I have ever judged. Sorry. I get it.

So, in summary, the two rules of toddlerhood that I have discovered are as follows:

1. Mine. Everything is mine. And I want it NOW. Don't bother trying to explain to me that this is not actually the case. Go with the flow and don't fight me on it. You are better off.

2. There are no rules.